Sunday, August 29, 2010 – This morning I awoke with optimism. Well, optimism came later… after the choking. Let me start over. I pulled a muscle in my back and ended up in severe pain for several days. I was feeling better, last night but woke up this morning unable to breath comfortably. The optimism arose in me as I prepared for the day and watched the sun’s morning light creep across the city street and into the window’s our cute third-floor apartment. My son, who recently turned 7-years old, woke up a few hours later and immediately wanted to play New Super Mario Brothers Wii. However, I wasn’t in the mood to play and I was fairly dismissive and unresponsive to his need to connect.
I think this is what’s happening. He feels a need to connect and right now, video games are a comfortable form of expression for him. Unfortunately, most of the world views them as a mind-numbing waste of time and turns children’s minds to mush. Why am I conforming to this school of thought? I think video games are awesome fun! Maybe if I had an alternative to offer… but I didn’t. And I just brushed him off until he exploded and I took a walk.
My reasoning was I felt that I should separate myself from a situation, which I could potentially make worse by over-talking, shouting or intimidating postures. That’s not the kind of person I want to be and it’s not how I want to teach my son. I want him to know that open communication and understanding is key to overcoming challenging social situations. Admittedly, I haven’t been setting the best example.
Sometimes, it’s hard for me to remember something my very good friend, Nicole just said. “It’s rough being newly alive in a strange land.” After all, he’s only been here 7 years.
My morning walk took me through Downtown New Bedford, picking up litter as I went. I figured I should probably do something useful and it’s actually kind of cathartic for me. That means, “purging of emotions or relieving of emotional stress”. I just looked it up.
Anyway, I walked down William Street and toward the water. I explored storefronts and alleyways. I said “Hello” to some people sitting around the water fountain at Custom House Square. I wanted to do more for them but I brought nothing with me. I started to wonder if they would have accepted an offering or if pride would get in the way.
Pride and ego are two concepts on my mind, lately. I don’t think I used to think much about them at all but I’ve recently been reminded of how fragile my ego is and how rigid my pride is. I don’t like that but it’s a reality I’m facing.
On the walk back, over route 18 and up Union Street, I stopped at the Serlingpa Meditation Center to find out when Meditation for Kids would start but it already did and I was invited in for a class and guided meditation.
The class was about Karma and how our actions can have an effect on our environment. Kelsang Chokyi, the resident teacher talked about separating yourself from potentially violent or high intensity situations so that you may better focus your energy and handle the problem in a good way. “Without inner peace, outer peace in impossible.” – Venerable Geshe Kelsang Gyatso.
I took the information and returned to my family. My son greeted me at the door where wrapped our arms around each other and apologized for our behavior, earlier. After lunch, the three of us went to the beach for a swim. And when we returned home, we played video games.
I’m not a perfect father and I can never hope to be but I can do my very best to be a good father.
Monday, August 22, 2011 – Yesterday, as I was preparing dinner (Spanish rice with black beans and red kidney beans. We add shredded cheddar over the top and eat it with tortilla chips. Maybe not exactly authentically Puerto Rican but… Yum!), my son sat on a stool by the refrigerator and watched as I stirred the simple ingredients into a culinary masterpiece. However, something else was on his mind. Our conversation went something like this:
